Shared Custody Arrangements:
Pilot Interviews With Parents

2004-FCY-5E

APPENDIX E: REPORTED CHANGES IN CHILDREN’S BEHAVIOUR, AND PARENT ATTRIBUTION

Table E-1 Reported Changes in Children’s Behaviour Under Current Living Arrangements, and Parent Attribution
  Behaviour Attribution
1 Daughter maturing in terms of responsibility; son angry about going to father's on weekends. Daughter gets counselling at school; son wants to stay with mother to be near friends.
2 More outgoing and able to deal with social situations. Learned to adapt to two different households.
3 Ex-wife is "fun" parent, so son wants same amount of attention from his father—not always possible. Shared parenting—different rules at different houses; lack of consistency.
4 No rules at other house, so difficult to establish rules at this home. 90 percent of detentions children receive come on the Monday after the children have spent weekend at their mother's. Lack of discipline at mother's home.
5 Son quiet and moody; takes 3 days to "de-program." For father anything the son does is never good enough, especially in sports.
6 Bed wetting at father's home. Father lets him drink close to bedtime; may be some underlying problems—father tells children that mom doesn't want to be a family.
7 Child appears to be happier. There is now more stability in his mother's life.
8 Daughter seems more worried about father, and that he isn't remarried. Because mother remarried.
9 More secure and confident. Understands that separation is not the end of the world; makes her realize that problems and challenges can be resolved.
10 Older son was bitter and still is; daughter was more dependent. Older son was more aware of what was happening; daughter was insecure.
11 Because the divorce occurred during the child's early learning years, she was delayed in certain aspects (e.g. potty training). Turmoil in life; two different households.
12 Youngest daughter tells them that she is unhappy. The separation; youngest child wants parents to get back together.
13 School notices that children are more aggressive, moody and rude. Constant upheaval and disruption.
14 Talks back to his mother—never used to. He gets away with it, has some anger toward mother, asks a lot of questions about her—why she acts like she does.
15 Daughter attempted suicide; son manipulates father for money. Dynamics between parents; lack of communication; father is trying to punish mother; lack of rules at father's house while mother has rules; children are aware of strained relationship between the parents.

Table E-2 Reported Changes in Children’s Behaviour When Returning From Other Parent’s Home, and Parent Attribution
  Behaviour Attribution
1 Crabby; grumpy; mousiness. Tired, haven't had enough sleep; father's bedtime rules aren't as strict as mother's.
2 It takes a day to re-adjust. Different rules, children are ill-mannered.
3 More distant; bed-wetting. Change of routine is difficult; relationship with mother—knows she's not too interested.
4 More quiet and withdrawn. Unknown.
5 Sometimes plays one parent off against the other. Partly being a six-year-old; variance in parenting methods.
6 There is something of a re-acquaintance period. Moving back and forth.
7 Hyper, excited. Happy to see me, have lots to say, do, show me.
8 It depends—sometimes son is more clingy, or in a bad mood for a few days. Way he interacts with father; father is quite authoritarian—he gets worked up.
9 Happy. Glad to be back home with parent (respondent).
10 Happy to see mother; everyone is in a good mood for a few days. Its like a honeymoon period—happy to come and happy to go.
11 Challenge their boundaries. Constant upheaval and disruption.
12 Has a hard time sleeping when she returns from other parent's home. Transition.
13 Disrespectful to her mother; uses improper language. More relaxed about language at the other home.
14 Bad attitude—she has to "retrain" them each week. Lack of rules at father's home.
15 Rude; children have belligerent attitude. Lack of rules and discipline at mother's home.
16 He is very immature or babyish. Gets to be baby with mom.
17 Mouthier/sassy. Spoiled over at father's house.
18 Testing of the water—adjustment period. Totally different lifestyles; father's home is laid-back, lots of people, no bedtime; mom's home is structured.
Date modified: