HELP Toolkit: Identifying and Responding to Family Violence for Family Law Legal Advisers – Supplemental Material
Tab #1: Reasons Why Your Client Might Not Disclose Experiences of Family Violence
There are many reasons why a client may not disclose family violence on their own or may not want to talk about it. For example, they may:Endnote 20
- not recognize that what is happening to them is abuse;
- not realize that family violence has any relevance for the family law case;
- be afraid of what their ex-partner will do to them or their children if the violence is disclosed;
- be afraid that their children will be taken away from them;
- feel shame or be embarrassed about their experiences (particularly male clients);
- not know or recognize the danger they are in, as they have developed coping mechanisms or they perceive the violence to be “normal”;
- be struggling to process their own culpability if they fought back;
- be intimidated by meeting with a legal adviser, leading them to feel reluctant to open up or to think that their legal adviser will not want to hear about it;
- be uncomfortable disclosing their experiences to a legal adviser of another gender;
- have a mistrust of people in the justice system, including legal advisers, based on previous interactions that have been negative, judgmental or racist;
- fear not being believed: victims of IPV often face doubt, disbelief and dismissal of their stories, including when they turn to the justice system for protection;
- be dependent on their ex-partner (e.g., financially, emotionally or physically, especially if their ex-partner acts as their caregiver);
- fear having their autonomy taken away from them (e.g., forced into a care facility, removal of their decision-making ability);
- fear being ostracized or isolated or losing support from their family or their community;
- fear being deported;
- be concerned that a disclosure may result in them having to leave their community because, for example, their community does not offer emergency resources;
- have limited knowledge about Canadian laws, the justice system, the legal process and their rights;
- be unable to communicate in a way that is understood (e.g., language barriers);
- be triggered by discussions of the abuse or experience flashbacks as they try to tell you about what has happened;
- be living with the impact of trauma or brain injury, which can significantly affect cognitive functioning (brain and nervous system); and/or
- want to avoid distressing thoughts about traumatic events.
Legal advisers can help support disclosure by routinely asking their clients about family violence in an accessible and culturally safe way, using a trauma- and violence-informed approach to asking questions, being respectful and showing concern, and helping clients connect with services and supports. See the HELP Guide.
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