The Ontario Rural Woman Abuse Study (ORWAS), final report
4. FINDINGS: WOMAN ABUSE IN RURAL ONTARIO (continued)
4. FINDINGS: WOMAN ABUSE IN RURAL ONTARIO (continued)
4.2 Women’s Marginalization and Isolation (continued)
4.2.2 Financial Isolation
Dependence / Control
The majority of the women in the study experienced financial abuse which added to their isolation. The abuser most often held all the financial control, not allowing the woman access to bank accounts or credit cards, often allocating her an ‘allowance’ to run the household, which most said was never enough to cover the bills. Professional women explained that despite working outside the home in a good job, they were required to hand over all of their earnings to their husbands. Financial abuse and dependence was a factor for many women in their inability to leave the abusive relationship.
“That was one thing I was scared about if I left - I didn’t even know how to pay a bill.” (Oxford County survivor)
“He controlled all the money. And I couldn’t do anything, I have no money. Where am I going to go, you know? That’s why I hung on.” (Stormont, Dundas & Glengarry survivor)
Employment Prospects
Re-entering the paid work force for some women is difficult and sometimes impossible. It is a challenge to find a job in a rural area, particularly in a one-industry town. If a woman has been working in a joint partnership with her husband on the farm and walks away from that arrangement, financial status is difficult to salvage. Focus group members agreed that for most of the women, working on the farm gave them life skills but not marketable job experience. Minimum wage jobs seemed to be all that was available to these abused women, but most agreed that having a job was a great confidence booster.
“I just need a job, just need a job. That’s all I need to get on my way. I still have quite a few good years to contribute to society.” (Stormont, Dundas & Glengarry survivor)
“There is a point where you have to begin to believe in yourself before you can begin the process of re-entering the work world.” (Grey-Bruce survivor)
Education / Re-Training
Many of the women attempted to access re-training after they left their abuser. In returning to school or re-training, the women encountered a variety of problems. Some found that age restrictions made them ineligible for re-training programs. Others found that information about courses was difficult to find. Some women spoke of going back to high school or to college and the importance of financial support in helping them get back on their feet. Lack of transportation can be a serious obstacle to re-training or re-entering the workforce. Virtually all the women agreed that they would prefer to be employed so that they could get off social assistance.
“I didn’t qualify for any employment programs … because I had been out of the workforce for more than three years, I didn’t qualify for any of those programs … And yet in every way, you’re penalised by the system for being a homemaker.” (Cochrane survivor)
“A car is a big issue for here. Even if you want to go do some re-training, you can’t get there … Because I can get a job in the city, but in town here, it’s hard.” (Stormont, Dundas & Glengarry survivor)
Information
Information concerning the options for employment or re-training was difficult for some of the women to access. Most of the women stated that they found the shelter to be a good source of information, but most did not use this resource until after they left the abusive relationship. Community residents felt that many women do not know where the shelter is located. Others felt that it was really important for women to know their rights because abuse may be what they have learned to expect in a relationship.
“Some women believe, especially if their mother has been abused, that this iswhat marriage is all about.” (Vermilion Bay community residents)
4.2.3 Cultural Isolation
Immigrant Women
Cultural issues may impede women from accessing support. The views concerning male dominance in some cultures may keep women from identifying their husband’s behaviour as abusive. Available services are not always culturally sensitive. For a woman for whom English is a second language, knowing where to turn to for help may be especially complicated. One woman spoke of the isolation she felt in being the only non-Francophone in a French-speaking community.
“In certain cultures it’s acceptable. The male is the head of the family, is the head of the society, and it is probably acceptable that the woman is in her place … ” (Stormont, Dundas & Glengarry focus group)
Aboriginal Women
Aboriginal women identified accessing services as a particular concern. Women from northern Ontario have an especially difficult time getting to a shelter, since it means travelling a long way from their community and the culture that is familiar to them. Only a few aboriginal women participated in the ORWAS study, but they spoke of the cultural obstacles they faced.
“Like on the reserve, they don’t even respond because it’s up to the chief and council to call them [police]. I don’t think it should be left up to the chief and council. When a woman is being abused they should be able to get access to that no matter where you live. I don’t care if it’s the reserve or elsewhere.” (Vermilion Bay survivor)
“With native people, there’s a certain sense of the family, the circle … Native people are very spiritual and in the other areas that I tried to get help, there was nothing to do with spirituality at all.” (Espanola survivor)
4.3 Children
4.3.1 Custody / Access / Support
Women survivors were asked to discuss their experiences around custody, access and support of the children. Most of the women had custody of the children, although some of their older children, usually sons, had chosen to live with their fathers. The issue of access brought a mixed response. Many women were afraid for their children’s safety when they went for visits with their fathers. Others talked of how the children were caught in the middle and would return home repeating the negative things that their fathers had said about their mothers. Some women wanted their children to be able to maintain a relationship with their father, but worried that there was no way to ensure that the children would not be exposed to further abuse.
Support for the children was rarely satisfactory for the survivors. Many of the women stated that they had to work outside of the home and/or rely on social assistance since they could not get support from their ex-partners. Some women told of how their husbands’ threats against themselves and their children prevented them from asking for financial support.
“You see, right now, I have not taken his father to court to get custody and support, because as soon as I go … he’s going to go for visitation.” (Espanola survivor)
4.3.2 Issues Regarding a Violent Ex-Partner
Survivors spoke of their fear of their violent ex-partners, and the difficulties of living in the same small community as their abuser. More than one woman expressed her concern for her children’s safety when they visit their father because of unregistered firearms. Many of the women described how the violent behaviour of their abusers had significant effects on their children, and of their reluctance to allow the children to be further exposed to such behaviour.
“What he did to me and to my kids, his kids too, there’s no word for it, how he treated them. He destroyed a lot.” (Stormont, Dundas & Glengarry survivor)
“Yes, all kinds of threats. And he broke in, I think on three different occasions.” (Grey-Bruce survivor)
4.3.3 Issues Regarding Decisions to Leave or Stay
Children were often the catalysts for women to stay in the relationship, and they were also the catalysts for them to finally leave. Reasons for staying included, “so they would be raised by both parents”
, “he was a good father”
, “they had a family home”
, “it wasn’t their fault we didn’t get along”
. Reasons for leaving included, “I didn’t want them to grow up to be like their father”
, “he started to abuse our daughter”
, “I couldn’t take it any more”
. (Vermilion Bay survivors). Other women said they left when the children finally agreed to leave. Several women told of how the final straw came when their husbands began abusing the children.
As the children got older, most of the women could see that the situation was worsening and that the children were being affected by what was going on. Many women said that the moment to make the decision to leave came when their children told them it was time to leave.
“When my eldest son was thirteen years old he came home one day and I was sitting on the floor, crying … And he looked down at me and he said,
‘How long are you going to live like this?’That is when I realised that I had to do something.” (Cochrane survivor)
4.3.4 Effects on the Children who Witness Abuse
“The kids saw everything. The kids saw him hit me and the kids saw him yell at me and they knew what was going on, you know. My youngest was almost 6 and my oldest was almost 8 and they would stand in front of me and in between me and my husband and tell him to stop and he would just shove them aside.” (Cochrane survivor)
When asked about any lingering effects on the children of witnessing the abuse, most of the women expressed deep concern. Many had their children in counselling, others spoke of the difficulties they were having with angry and abusive teenagers who still blamed their mothers. Many said their children did not do well in school, and their sons often exhibited many of the same behaviour patterns as their fathers. Several women told of being assaulted by their teenage children. One woman stated that she wished she could have known ten years ago what her children would be like now as a result of her staying in the relationship. They all expressed the hope that the cycle of violence would not continue into the next generation.
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